If I am a Stranger
by Ally Smith
Summary: "I'm writing this to say goodbye to everyone, you included, I'm also writing this to apologize cause I never properly did all those years ago" More chapters to come, the Doctor writes letters to say goodbye to her companions. They're meant to have been written by my OC fem!Doctor but you can ignore that if you want. Just a bunch of drabbles to make myself sad XD
1. Chapter 1

_Clara Oswald_

Clara let out a flustered sigh, pushing her hands into her hair as she used her hip to push open her classroom door, relief falling across her features at it being completely empty, the chairs still not pushed in despite her insistence that the last class before lunch do that. Damn second years, they were passed being polite and had started trying to copy the older kids who were the little- nope, no, she wouldn't think about them like that, a lot of them were lovely kids… lovely, wonderful, tiring little people. She let out another sigh, leaning against her door once she'd closed it behind her and tilted her head back against it, closing her eyes over tightly, sighing heavily. She'd been rushed off her feet all morning, and she still had a date tonight and no doubt the Doctor was gonna show up to ruin it before it even began again. She knew he missed her when she was gone, despite how he acted when they were together, or she hoped at least. She opened her eyes and dumped her bag on the floor under her desk and dropped down onto her chair, her head falling onto the desk as she groaned in annoyance and she lay there for a moment, her hands reaching around for her pen, cause as long as she had a free period, she may as well get some marking done, but her fingers brushed across paper where she had been certain where she'd left her pen.

She lifted her head, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, her hair a little messed up but she ignored it, head turning to where her pen holder had been moved and a blue envelope was in its place. Not just any blue. TARDIS blue. He was leaving letters now? This new Doctor was just getting weirder and weirder. She looked around, wondering if he was just waiting for her to open it up and read it before bursting in to act smart or something, then sighed heavily and turned it in her hands, taking in the cursive writing of her name on the back then opened it, pulling out the aged paper inside, the writing far more eligible now but still fancy as hell and definitely not the Doctor's handwriting, or her Doctor at least. Her brows furrowed in confusion again and she immediately opened it out properly and began to read.

_Clara Oswald, Clara, Clara, My Impossible Girl_

_For me it's been a while since I've had to say or even heard that, I really hope you don't go showing me this because I'm not going to have written this for another thousand years so you know, don't go asking me about this. You're probably wondering why you've got this letter and to be honest I don't know, maybe it just takes certain death to finally get me to start looking back. No, actually, ignore that, you can't know that. Why didn't I just erase that? Why am I still writing what I'm thinking? Well, that's just this me I suppose. I changed again, more than once but that isn't why I'm writing this letter, I suppose this is just closure. For me, I mean. I'm writing one for a lot of people, for everyone I've travelled with so I'm trying not to make this too long because I've got a limited amount of time to write and deliver all these (It's a long story, not that you could ask, I'm hoping to have been long gone by the time you find this letter). I'm writing this to say goodbye to everyone, you included, I'm also writing this to apologize cause I never properly did all those years ago, for leading you on as that moron in a bow tie or being horrid to you as that grump with the eyebrows, I did and will do something's that I can only deeply apologize for and I know you're going to be really confused about all this but I really must stress that you don't tell me about this because if you do you know what I'm like, I'll want to know, and I'll do anything to know and that includes changing the course of time so for the sake of you me and everyone you've ever known don't let me know about this._

_Goodbye_

_Always Running_

_Love your Clever Boy (Girl) (It's a Long story)(We'll talk over tea) (Ha-ha)_

There were tears in her eyes by the time she finished reading and she almost wanted to convince herself that this was just some awful joke the Doctor or someone else was playing on her, but after sitting there for a few minutes in silence with nothing happening she sucked in a deep breath, both hands dropping the letter to sit over her mouth to try and muffle any sounds, but she never really got a chance to cry, of course she wouldn't, cause then her door flew open and a familiar manic grin burst in, one hand still on the door now swung against the wall, the other pointing at her. "You, come with me, I've found something"

She couldn't help but glare at him, hands sweeping down to cover the letter "what?" she snapped, her emotions still running wild and she watched as confusion swept across his features, eyebrows furrowing as the point seemed to soften a little bit and he motioned to her.

"What's with the eyes? They're all… floaty" then his hand moved back to his own face, and motioned to his own eyes, a frown on his face "floaty"

"Really?" she tried to play it off, immediately wiping her eyes with her cardigan, pulling the end of the sleeve over her palm and wiped them with that "oh, uh" she glanced at the damp patch on her sleeve then let out a shaky puff of air "hay fever" she tried a smile.

"It's December" he took a step further into the room, head turning slightly as an eyebrow raised "no plants, they're all dead. How'd you get hay fever?" he started towards her desk and she scrambled to shove the letter and envelope into her bag then dropped it back onto the floor before he could see it and looked back to see him paused, eyebrows raising again as he pointed down "what was that?"

"It was nothing" she told him quickly, brushing her hair back from her face, eyes flickering down to her desk for a moment before back up at him and he just looked unimpressed, hands dropping so he could put them in his pockets, stopping at the other side of her desk.

"Clara, what was that? It was blue, my TARDIS blue, and I don't know many people who leave TARDIS blue letters on my companion's desks so I'm going to ask you to tell me properly, what was it?"

"It was nothing! Not everything that's TARDIS coloured actually has to come from you, Christ, get over yourself" she hadn't wanted to snap, but she pushed herself up onto her feet, staring him down and praying he'd relent before she was forced to. Luckily for her it was really neither as there was a quiet knock on her door and they both turned to look at the third year stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Miss Oswald?" then glanced to the Doctor "uh, caretaker guy" then back to Clara "Mr Jackson wanted to know if he could borrow a whiteboard marker, his ran out" she let out a heavy sigh and nodded, reaching over to pull open one of her desk drawers and lifted out a whiteboard pen, and walked over, handing it to the kid.

"Yeah, here you go Oliver" she ran a hand through her hair with a tired sigh before she pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes squeezing shut as the kid turned and scurried away from the tension filled atmosphere of his English teacher's classroom. Once he was gone she turned to the Doctor and pointed at him "right, let's go then, I haven't got long till the next period starts and if you want me to go with you we're going now, and don't cut it as close as you did last time, I still have marking to do that if I don't do I can't go out tonight, and I've been looking forward to it all week so please" she still felt like she was about to burst into tears as she picked up her bag, the envelope sticking out slightly and she heard her voice crack as she spoke and swallowed immediately to try and stop it. "C'mon Doctor, let's go okay?"

_Danny Pink_

The letter was lodged in a textbook lying on the desk nearest the back window when he found it. He'd just finished a class, and one of the more rowdy one's at that, but he still had two more periods before he was able to go home so he was just sucking it up as he tried to clean up a little. He'd picked up the text book only to drop it when he got a sudden electric shock and let out a quiet curse before he bent down to pick it up, eyebrows furrowing at the sight of the blue envelope sticking out of the back and he pulled it from the text book, sitting the rest up at the back where they were supposed to go and made his way back down to his desk, glancing to the clock on the wall and wondered if he'd have time to read it before the next round of students got there. He turned it over in his hands a few times, it was meant for him, _Danny Pink_ was written in fancy handwriting on the back and he pursed his lips in thought for a moment, wondering if one of the kids had left a note for him… God he hoped not, it was gonna be embarrassing as hell if it was. Still, he was better just biting the bullet and getting it over with quickly than he was letting it just drag out, besides, it could be something far less awkward… maybe? Maybe Clara had left it there? When he had no clue, but she was a Time Traveller apparently, maybe that Doctor guy gave her quick little trips back if she was good and asked nicely.

He eyes narrowed at his own thought and he sighed, shaking his head and slid the envelope open, pulling out the bit of paper inside and unfolded it, letting his eyes skim across the words randomly without actually reading for a second before they moved back to the top and started to read properly, but again he only got the end of his name before his door was thrown open and students began to pile in, all of them talking loudly about something or other. He sighed, just sliding the paper back into the envelope and dropped it into his bag, getting to his feet. "Right everyone, calm down a little bit, quiet- oi, Gregson, I don't want any of that language in my classroom."

He'd forgotten about the letter until he'd gotten home that night and was sorting through his bag for a bit of homework that he'd been certain he'd taken home to mark but wasn't with the rest of the pile lying on his coffee table but managed to find the blue envelope and took it out, staring at it for a second before he opened it again and began to read it properly again, reclining back on his sofa, the marking forgotten for now.

_Danny Pink_

_When you're reading this you're hopefully only just going to have met me but please don't go asking me about this when you see me again, it won't end well and since you seemed to know the sort of person I was back then you'll know why. I never let things go once it's in my head. I don't do this, writing letters, well, I am now but I have a good reason but this letter is just… I know we don't get off on the right foot Danny and I know we're always going to be a little frosty with one another but I just wanted to let you know why I was such a grump back then (there are a few other words we both would use but I'm trying to keep this friendly). You reminded me of me, which was the main reason, and you just reminding me that I'm a soldier too just got to me, I had no right to behave the way I did with you but I don't think I had much of a filter back then, not unless I wanted to have one, so I didn't most of the time. You're a good man Danny, much better than I ever was and you felt the guilt that I do. We're both known mostly for our killing, me more so, but the points still there, sometimes things happen and we both know people are always more likely to remember the bad than the good. I've been through a lot by the time I meet you, I'd been travelling the stars for almost two thousand years and had done so much, been through so much in that time, I'd fought in wars too, I fought in the biggest, I had to end the biggest the hard way, I thought I'd destroyed my planet, I thought I'd burned it, which was the only way to save the rest of the universe, but then I got better, and then I got a little worse again when I found out I couldn't save them from where I'd put them to stop them from being destroyed, at least not then, so when I turned into that man you met, I was angry, I felt alone and isolated once again from my own people so please don't think all of it was just you, or just me being another bad word I dare not use in this. _

_Now, I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me Danny, far from it, I'm just telling you to make you understand. You hate people thinking of you as just a soldier? Well I hate the very same thing, except I hate when other soldiers see it, I hate when people point it out and you Danny, you hit the nail on the head and it stung hard. Don't apologize, you never have anything to apologize for, in fact quite the opposite but yeah, I just wanted you to know all this Danny, I don't want you to think I truly didn't like you, or that we were always not gonna get along, we're always gonna have our moments but I like think of us even now as friends. Now, you can't tell me about this okay? I'm serious, or Clara, cause it could cause a problem that I'm not gonna be able to fix so you need to promise me, even over a two thousand year gap that you'll never tell me about this letter Danny. And remember, you are a good man, you're a brilliant man and never let me let you believe otherwise._

_Goodbye_

_Always Running_

_The Doctor_

Danny frowned in confusion, this couldn't possibly be real, but with another glance to the envelope he recognized the colour, it looked like that Doctor's ship. So it was real then. He'd sat forward and up stoically while reading without even realizing and he tore his eyes away from the paper to glance around his living room, letting out a heavy sigh and let go of the paper with one hand to run it over his face, letting the words on the paper sink in. Well, there was him feeling guilty for anything too nasty he'd thought about the man, or said about him… too him. But to be fair they were both as horrid to one another and Danny almost wished he hadn't been, might have made things easier, a little less frosty from the beginning as he'd put it in the letter. But why had be bothered sending on, he'd said not to tell Clara but he wanted to know if she'd gotten a letter too or if it were just him, if the Doctor had gone out of his way to leave this letter for just him in the future. It was a little hard to believe, but he did. He believed every word and there was no doubt this him was an old grump but he guessed he was allowed to be after everything he'd been through, Danny didn't think he could really complain any more.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So, hey yeah, thanks for reading even this far into this, i swear this is just a bunch of drabbles, you don't have to pay them too close attention, i just was writing to make myself sad (Yes I'm weird like that) and thought they were okay. But please review anyway, review would be awesome.. please

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><p><em>Amy &amp; Rory Pond-Williams<em>

Rory had just gotten home from the hospital and Amy had just finished the next chapter of her book and the two bed room house in the middle of nowhere still looked like as much of a bomb site as it had when he'd left so Rory could guess with an almost hesitant smile that his wife hadn't left that typewriter all morning. He'd worked a late shift and he was exhausted and more than ready to crawl into his bed, half hoping Amy might come with him, at least until he fell asleep. It had been hard for them both, a struggle to adjust into this new time and for the first few months he'd felt terrible, guiltier than anything else as he watched her get frustrated and irritated over the simplest of little things in their everyday life and it was all because he hadn't been careful enough and let that angel get him, if he'd just paid more attention then that thing would never have gotten him and she wouldn't have been forced to join him. He knew obviously that she technically hadn't been forced, that she had come because she loved him too much to be without him but he couldn't help it. But after four years they'd settled he guessed, they were more comfortable than they were before but he still felt bad, knew she missed modern technology and he didn't blame her. Being a Doctor in the 1930s wasn't brilliant and he felt uneasy, knowing the unavoidable war in a few years and as happy as he would be to do his part he was reluctant to leave Amy for that long, five years was a long time, though maybe he would be stationed somewhere close to home? If he was lucky. He let out a tired sigh, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm and shook his head at himself. He had to live in the now, the future was the future but now was now.

"Amy?" he called out and there was a shuffle from in the kitchen and his eyebrow rose. He slowly lowered himself slightly so he could set his briefcase against the wall like he did ever night and shrugged off his coat "Amy? I'm home"

There was another moment before his wife appeared in the kitchen doorway, glaring at him "you're late you know" he gaped for a moment at her sudden words before he gave an awkward smile and toed his shoes off, kicking them to the side.

"Yeah well, I can't help it if people flat line two minutes before I'm supposed to leave" she just rolled her eyes and shot forward, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug before she pressed her lips against his in a quick kiss

"Nope, guess you can't" then smirked, running her ink covered fingers down his face then snorted in amusement and spun, dashing into the kitchen again and he stood shocked for a second before he laughed and darted after her.

"Amy, I'm really tired, can we not do this?"

"Hey, you're the one that's chasing me"

"You inked my face" he retorted back with another laugh, grinning when she laughed too, trying to dart away when he grabbed for her "and once I've caught you and made sure you ink yourself too then I'm gonna go to bed and-" they both trailed off, eyes widening at the familiar and long missed sound, muffled but definitely there, and they both looked to each other, both looking like deer caught in headlights before Amy was the first to take off, a grin of excitement spreading across her face quickly, the hope lighting up in her eyes as she tugged open the front door and threw herself outside with an elated cry.

"Raggedy Man!" the elation was short lived though as they both realized quickly that the blue box was no longer here, instead they'd obviously missed it by milliseconds if the leaves still swirling around Amy their garden was anything to go by and it'd been a happy while since he'd last seen that absolute devastation on his wife's face as she realized that fact. Rory stood in the doorway of their home for a moment before, when he looked down at his feet unable to look at that look any more, he saw the blue envelops that had been pushed through their letterbox. Each envelope had each of their names on it, the writing definitely not the Doctor's, his had always been scribbly and messy and completely illegible. Rory stepped outside with the two and his wife turned to him, the tears welling up in her eyes already and he could see her trying to swallow them back so he held out the TARDIS blue envelope (some things never change) and watched as she snatched it from him and basically tore the thing open to get at the letter inside. He immediately set upon opening his as well but he didn't tear at it, instead just pulled it open and let out a heavy breath, slipping the paper out and unfolded it, waiting to read what the Doctor had to say.

_Rory Williams (About time I got that right, not Pond, Williams)_

_I'm sorry I couldn't stay to chat, and believe me I wanted to, but I'm on a time limit and I have so many of these to deliver, such little time. I suppose first things first would be for me to apologize to you Rory, to both of you for being unable to come and get you, I'm only just managing to get through to give you these, I'd thought about leaving them to be delivered but… that hadn't seemed right, especially not with you two. I should have seen it coming, that angel, I should have known it wasn't over and for that I deeply apologize Rory but I was just so caught up, I hoped. For one moment I hoped and convinced myself that you were both safe and I'm sorry, I should have known better than to do that. I'm not writing this to make you sad, far from it, and I can only hope that you both lived a happy life together, and know that I will never forget a single moment we all spent together, know that those were some of the happiest years of my life and that you are a better man than I ever was._

_Now, you've both had a blue envelope from me before and you know what that entails, but I think it's actually this time and I've made my peace with it, I just wanted to say my goodbyes and I'm too much of a coward to say it face to face. But you never know, I seem to get lucky a lot of the time, you never know maybe the universe will show mercy again._

_All my love to all those years ago_

_Always Running_

_The Doctor_

Amy couldn't have gotten into the letter quicker, her fingers tearing at the blue envelope, devastation, anger and dread coursing through her because she remembered the last time she got one of these envelopes and it had been one of the worst days of her life. She still remembered watching her Raggedy Man go down, still remembered the shock and the- she shook her head to try and clear those thoughts and looked back down to the paper now in her hands and took in a few shaky breaths, already feeling tears slide down her face as she unfolded the paper as delicately as she could, feeling guilty for ripping the envelope like she had and looked down at the ripped up TARDIS blue paper with a sad frown before she looked back to the paper with a shaky breath.

_To my Amelia Pond (I know it's Williams but I'm sorry, you'll always be Pond to me, it's just cooler)_

_It's been a long time since we last saw each other though I imagine a lot longer for me, I've changed a lot since we last met, it's been 2000 years, and I'm a girl now. A girl! And I'm ginger; of course it had to be with my last regeneration. Now, I'm sorry I couldn't stay and chat, believe me a hug from you would be nice right about now but I have a lot of letters to write and not a lot of time to do it in so I hope you can forgive me for that too. I also need to apologize for how I couldn't save you both, I looked, I promise I did, tried to find a way to save you both without the universe collapsing but there isn't and I am so sorry about that. But know that I still love you dearly and you are both still seared across my hearts forever, you were the first face that face saw and I kept my vow on never forgetting you Amelia Pond. _

_We'd been through a lot together no? Prisoner Zero, Space Whales, Daleks, pirates and all those other weird and wonderful adventures that we had together, I've never forgotten one second of it and I've always wanted you to be happy and as sad as I was to lose you both I am so happy you both had one another, you are perfect for each other and I am glad I was there to see your lives progress, even for that little while. I'm glad you were happy together, I read the book and it's been written now, don't change it because of me, because it's perfect and I kept that promise you made me give at the end. But I won't say too much because I don't know if you've written it yet. Spoilers._

_Come along now Pond, don't go crying on me_

_Lots of love_

_Always Running_

_Your Raggedy Man(Woman) (Long Story) (I've already had to write that a lot)_

_P.S The chin wasn't as bad as you say it is by the way._

At the last line she let out a loud sob, clutching the letter to her heart with one hand and the other moved to cover her face and she dropped so she was sat on the ground, not even caring about the dirt as she curled up, wailing against her knees with that free arm now wrapped around her legs. She felt her husband lower himself down next to her and wrap his arms around her and her arms left her legs to wrap around him tightly, sobbing against his shoulder "He's dying Rory, he's dying and I don't want him too, he can't be dying, he just can't"

He rested his chin on top of her head, wishing he could sort everything for her, make everything alright but he couldn't, not with this so all he could do was hold her and try and offer whatever comfort he could to her until it was even a little bit better.


End file.
